Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
