watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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