I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
