Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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