i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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