Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
