We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
