The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
