I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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