Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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