Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
