How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
