Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
