I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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