I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
