Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
