So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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