garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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