I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
