peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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