You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
