Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
we're making bets on your personal life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
