Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
