Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
