I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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