Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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