why didn't you poke me back
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
