Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
