She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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