you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
