apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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