I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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