I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
