No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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