I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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