I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
