What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
