1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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