Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my poor anus
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
