I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
