pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
