I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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