hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Holy shit dude........stairs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
