so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
