she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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