I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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