walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
