Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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