Everything about him screamed your future.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
