If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
