if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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