I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
