oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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