It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
