Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
