I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
