omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
