It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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