Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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