that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
