so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
