Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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