Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
