I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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