i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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