I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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