i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
