What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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