Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
