we have officially lost it.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Randomize
